The Misadventures of Shinra
by Ninja Ninja Reno
Summary: What are The Stairs? Where did they come from? How does one conquer The Stairs? A collection of drabbles and oneshots about everyone's favourite antagonists: the Turks. BC timeline.
1. Stairs: Elevator

The Misadventures of Shinra

Ninja Ninja Reno

Chapter One: Stairs – Elevator

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Description: What are The Stairs? Where did they come from? How does one conquer The Stairs? A collection of oneshots and drabbles about everyone's favourite antagonists: the Turks. BC timeline.

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It was six past eight in the morning according to Midgar standard time. The sky was slowly becoming lighter, and the area around the Shinra building was completely deserted, except for the back door, where a group of various men and women stood. Each black-clad body was tensed and alert; every visage showing a different expression, but all containing the feeling of impending terror caused by the sheer horror of what they were about to face.

"Isn't there another way?" queried one, a sliver of desperation creeping into her tone.

The tall male next to her shook his head wistfully. "If only…"

"Elevator," grunted another.

The others turned and stared at the speaker, before suddenly bursting into lectures about the 'dangers' of the elevator.

"You can't use the elevator! You might as well write your own name in a Deathnote."

"Not happening. No way."

"You'll be killed!"

"I nearly died last time…"

"Does anyone know what happened to Johnny?"

"Don't chance it!"

"I think you mean 'don't _risk _it'."

"……."

Near the back of the congregation, a petite blonde rolled her eyes and raised her voice, "This is completely ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with the elevator!"

The uproar quickly dissolved to uncertain murmurs, and several people shifted nervously.

After taking in a small breath, she continued, "Fine, if you won't believe me, I'll go up in it myself!"

"Short Blonde, please, for the love of Holy, don't do it! It's suicide!" cried the red-haired lanky man known as Reno, leaping forward.

"Don't call me that!" she complained irately. "There's no stopping me now, anyway. I _will _prove to you all that there is absolutely no threat in that elevator!"

With that final brave speech, she turned on her heel and marched off determinedly, the elevator doors closing behind her with an ominous clang. They gazed after her silently.

"…Well, I never really liked her anyway," remarked Reno off-handedly, shrugging as he moved to the foot of The Stairs. "You guys ready?"

A chorus of somewhat untruthful yes's rang out, and Reno grinned manically. "All right, ladies, time for our daily morning warm up!"

"Yeah! Let's do it!"

"With Reno in the lead, there's no way we can fail!"

"Oh, there's _every _way we can fail when _he's _in charge."

"What was that, Rod?"

"Nothing, sir."

"Damn straight."

"Honestly, you two…"

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_Shinra Building: Elevator 5_

* * *

Gun sighed and leaned against the glass side of the elevator, watching the fluffy, purring 'danger' that was Darknation.

"All that fuss… over a cat."

Darknation's ears twitched; its amber gaze immediately locked onto Gun, and she felt a shiver go through her. _'Why do I suddenly feel like something bad is about to happen…?"_

* * *

_Shinra Building: 49f _

* * *

"Huff… Wonder how… Short Blonde's going… Surely… can't be worse… than this…" groaned Reno as he forced his legs up onto the next step.  
The rookies couldn't find the breath to grace him with an answer.  
"Next time… I'm flying… _the_ _helicopter_ into work…"

"That's… abusing… your… position… you… lazy… ass," gasped Rod, gripping onto the handrail like it was a lifeline.

"Shut… _up_, brat… you're still another half… floor… below me…"

"_You're _the one getting… pushed up… by the girls behind you…"

"S'not true… ya liar… thanks, Cissnei…" denied the redhead, contradicting himself by accident.

"Always welcome, sir," sighed Cissnei dejectedly, her hands pushing against his back.

"That's… the spirit… shit!" Reno cursed as he tripped over a corpse on the floor.

Several flights of stairs above, Knife and Shotgun were traveling at a sedate pace, calmly ignoring the complaints from their comrades below them. Both females then heard the sound of scales sliding against the concrete, and simultaneously pulled their weapons on the lizard-like creature that had just appeared on the corner of the stairs further up. A bang and a slicing noise, followed by a dull thud, echoed in the air.

"They should make a TV show about this," commented Knife idly, wiping her retrieved blade on the dead fiend.

"Yeah," grinned Shotgun. "'The Shinra Building: _Where every floor's an adventure!'_"

* * *

_Shinra Building: 66f_

* * *

"…We… We did it!" yelled Reno, as he slammed open his office door, and threw himself onto the couch in the corner.

A cheer rose amongst the rookies, who all promptly disappeared to the lounge floor to get coffee.

"You're early."

"Hey, partner! You know where Short Blonde is?" asked Reno, greeting Rude with a casual wave of his hand.

"Hospital."

Reno's mouth formed an impish 'o'.

* * *

_Midgar Sector 1: Shinra General Hospital_

* * *

"Miss… Gun? There's a call for you," said the nurse, handing a small phone to the bandaged blonde.

"Hello?"

"_Told ya._"

"Oh, shut up, Reno."

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A/N: Hello, and welcome to my first fanfiction in a long time. This has been planned for quite a while (Year and a half? XD;), but I never got around to it... After getting my copy of Final Fantasy VII back from my friend, I figured I should probably start it. The idea of this chapter spawned because at the time I was going up the neverending stairs in the Shinra building. XD THE BLONDE IS NOT ELENA! It is her sister, Gun, from Final Fantasy VII: Before Crisis. (No, I haven't played it. ;w;)

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.


	2. How To Beat A Coffee Ban

The Misadventures of Shinra

NinjaNinjaReno

Chapter Two: [How To Beat A Coffee Ban]

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Description: What are The Stairs? Where did they come from? How does one conquer The Stairs? A collection of oneshots and drabbles about our favourite antagonists: the Turks. BC Timeline.

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All the mouths belonging to the Turks were agape in almost comical horror.

"W-what?" stuttered a dazed Reno.

A sigh escaped the black-haired Wutaian man as he straightened the papers in his hands. He raised his head and gave them a soft smirk.

"As I just said; the President and I have decided it would be in the best interests of our department if there was to be a ban on coffee in this building."

A stunned silence fell over the room.

"I... I think I'm gonna be sick," muttered Nunchaku, and ran out the door with his hand over his mouth.

"Why though?! It makes no sense at all!" huffed Shotgun, turning her head to the side dismissively.

Tseng coughed quietly, and answered, "Because you all have a ridiculous dependency on it."

Outcry.

He rubbed his forehead, an irritated expression on his face.  
"Out! Go do your jobs!"

The Turks exited the office together, muttering under their breath.

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TBC...

A/N: Good god, I need to update more. XD;


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